Our mindfulness guru tells us why learning to accept yourself is the key to inner happiness and contentment
A In my new book, It’s Not You, It’s Me, I chose to write an entire chapter about self-acceptance because I believe it’s so important to work through in order to heal any situation or relationship and find true contentment and happiness within.
Accepting a situation or traits about yourself is so freeing and when you choose to accept, you let go of any heavy thoughts, such as anger, sadness or frustration, which might have been acting as a roadblock in your life. It becomes so much easier to move forward in a more positive way. From this place of acceptance, your mind can start to work towards considering how you can make the best out of any situation, even if it’s not the ideal one you had hoped for. It’s easy to get stuck in a thought cycle of believing everything is wrong with a situation, and it takes a little more training to turn the focus to what’s going well instead. That’s mainly because of the negativity bias in the brain, meaning we’re naturally drawn to negative thoughts.
It’s impossible for me to talk about self acceptance and not talk about self-awareness, self-worth and self-compassion as well.
To change anything in life you must first become more aware. Once you are fully aware of your behavioural patterns you can begin to move into a state of acceptance. I like to say becoming selfaware is like an awakening; once you’re fully awake, the path to awareness, healing and change becomes much clearer.
Meditation is a great way to work on self acceptance as it teaches you to become the observer of your thoughts and approach them from a non-judgemental mindset.
Consider the following questions and write down the answers in your journal:
- What am I not willing to accept about myself or a situation?
- What if accepting this would help me move forward with more ease?
- What needs to happen for me to accept this?
- What would my life look like once I have accepted it?
Sometimes we are hesitant to accept something because this can mean having to say goodbye to that part of your life that didn’t turn out like you’d hoped or planned. However, moving through the grief also means something ending and, therefore, creating space for new beginnings, possibilities and opportunities. What sometimes seems like a disadvantage can be, once embraced, a uniqueness that is exactly what sets you apart on your path.
Self-worth grows as we continually do more of the things that light us up and give ourselves permission to not be perfect. Selfworth also starts by saying: “I respect myself enough to start talking to myself the way I would my best friend, for no other reason than because I’m worthy of it”. Worthiness and validation is not something you find outside of yourself, it’s who you are at the core of your being. Using a daily mantra such as “I accept myself fully and I am worthy” can be really helpful.
What to read this month
Reactivity, spirituality & making a buck, by David Nichtern
This book is written by Emmy award-winning composer and musician and Buddhist teacher, David Nichtern. I love the way he is exploring “the idea of whether creative expression, economic wellbeing, and spiritual growth are separate and compartmentalised or not”. He shows us brilliantly throughout the book how we can integrate them into one holistic approach to life. The chapters carefully guide you through a series of questions and mindful exercises, opening up your mind to consider life situations in a different way. David encourages you to dive deep and examine your life, but in such a practical and supported way. It’s very rare to read a book about entrepreneurship and “making a buck” that also asks you to tune into your body and mind. David says, “Bodies don’t lie”. I was personally so thrilled to read these words in the book as I teach my clients daily the importance of listening to the body and the signs it gives us, even in business. Reading this book will help you create awareness around your own behaviour and give you helpful mindfulness tools to support you in your life and work. Towards the end of the book, he talks about creativity, how to get it flowing and how to master your craft. Every action matters and has a ripple effect in each area of your life.
