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The guy on the phone Just like Dom Joly on Trigger Happy TV, you can hear his booming voice scream “hello” over the top of your motivational playlist. Why he decides to discuss his super-successful business deals while pretending he’s in training for the Le Tour De France will forever be one of life’s unanswered questions.
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The wannabe PT We love learning new fitness tips and perfecting our technique, but if we needed a personal trainer we’d have paid for one. There’s a fine line between helpful and patronising, and you sir fall into the latter. So we’ve got a tip for you – if we want your advice, we’ll ask for it.
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The #gymlife poster girl She posts more selfies than you do reps and is never seen without a pout and sports bra that flaunts her perfectly toned tum. Plus, she spends more time telling people she’s at the gym than actually doing any fitness. We’re in an age of social media fitness groupies, and it’s time we all wake up to it. So next time you spend hours scrolling through Instagram being hard on yourself for not looking like these ladies, remember we all look better with the Ludwig filter and a few beads of strategically placed sweat drips. #we’reontoyou
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The newbie who asks all the questions Err, hello? Do I look like I work here? There’s always a beginner loitering near the treadmill ready to ambush you with an array of questions, waiting for you to make awkward eye contact. Although we love to help out a fitness sister, some girls just don’t know when their eagerness to learn turns to pure annoyance. There’s only so many times you can turn up the volume on your MP3 before you start looking rude, so just point her in the direction of reception.
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The chatterbox We’re all for gym bantz and a natter with our girlfriends on the cross trainer, but there’s a time when the chit chat needs to take a back seat so training can take centre stage. Unfortunately, not everyone understands when to tame the talking so let us help you out. Keep gossiping to a minimal during any sort of fitness class, when we’re pounding the treadmill faster than a casual jog and when we put our earphones in mid conversation.
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The stinker Admit it, we’re all guilty of a little body aroma that could clear a room after an intense session, but there’s always one gym-goer who manages to whiff before they’ve even laced up their trainers. There is no excuse for poor hygiene and being caught near a stinker could lead people to think the smell is actually coming from you. Avoid at all costs.
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The guy desperate for a date You’re bare faced, sweating up a storm and that delicate smell of hard work may not be down to the stinker, and yet some guy still asks for your number. I mean, if he likes us at our worst then he’ll love us at our best, right? Don’t be fooled into thinking he’s Prince Charming just because he helped you put away the free weights. Plus, if you give him a chance and things turn sour, you’ll risk bumping in to him every time you want to train. Nightmare!
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